Dating an Available Mum
I thought I would write a little bit of my view upon dating an “Available Mum”. I sit with these terminology a lot better, as “single mum” really puts the aspect of – destined to be alone right? I just wanted to let you know, I don’t actually believe that is the case.
I broke up with my Baby’s Dad 11 months ago and I can tell you it was amicable. We broke up because as much as we tried, we just were not happy together. We had a lot of respect for each other (we still do) but we lost the feeling and throw a baby into the mix, and there were too many small arguments and all of a sudden we were “too tired”. I remember making a decision believing there had to be more to life than this and not knowing the outcome or what would come next, I chose happiness and growth, took a chance and we separated. Another chapter had begun.
I gave it some time but decided I really did want to date (I hadn’t really experienced this before) and you know what, there is only so much Peppa Pig and Uber Eats you can do on alternate Weekends.
I have been experimenting with App dating (I like Bumble it is more classy than Tinder) I know, I know, I said it may not of been my thing but honestly, in this day what don’t we do from an App? So did I put on my dating profile “single mum”? No I chose not to because that is not my identity in the slightest. I believe whoever you are dating should like YOU FOR YOU. Making your opinion based off a profile is a very misleading game that is played in the dating world these days and besides you cant really form an opinion until you get to know people.
I met a guy in a bar the other day, randomly, not from an App, I was having a wine before meeting a friend for dinner. You can do that right? Go to a bar by yourself and have a Rose’? As a Mum I really don’t think you would even second-guess it, I never even drank wine or in general till September so I guess anything goes in this journey.. Any how, he bought me a drink, he had been sitting with his friends and noticed I was alone (actually I was probably talking and catching up with you guys on Instagram) he asked my name, last name as well, stalking purposes I guess, and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with him soon. If you are wondering if this was a Carly Rae Jepsen moment – Call Me Maybe.. you would be correct.. I got home and he had Facebook friend requested me.. It is still sitting in the request box and I will fill him in at dinner next week – keeping in mind if he likes me it shouldn’t be an issue and if it is then priorities are different and that is dodging a bullet.
I haven’t been on too many dates, but every time I have, I have sat in the car before the date or in an Uber texting two of my best friends – one who is a new Mum freaking out about how I am casually going to slide it into the conversation. The first ever date I went on post Baby Daddy, I have never been SO anxious in my life. I actually couldn’t talk properly and it happened unexpectedly after work so I was caught very off guard and hadn’t thought it through, so there I was sitting in a bar in West End in Yoga clothes and all I kept thinking was are we going to have sex.. Because I haven’t done this in while. I have never known the feeling of relief when he threw into the conversation he had kids as well and he was only 2 years older. You never know with this generation, I have learnt never assume anything and seriously, anything goes these days.
In no way is it embarrassing to mention you have kids, that is not why I get frightened, it is more because it isn’t the typical dating situation and having kids in your 20s these days is not as common as it used to be, as I said above though, our generation does things differently from how our parents were. I guess the best thing about it is there are no expectations of circumstances these days. Also being an Available Mum, for some of us, we didn’t think this was the way it going to plan out but the Universe always knows what it is doing.
So I am not sure if men are afraid of Available Mums in the sense THEY ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO REPLACE THE DAD in two words FUCK NO! I can tell you, I am looking for someone who wants to spend time with me.
I actually don’t want you to have anything to do with my child – she has a Dad a very good one in fact who she spends 50% of the time with, I may be selfish but this dating thing is about me. I want to be wined, dined, engaged in intellectual conversations and have incredible mind blowing sex because hey, we don’t get it on tap anymore and I can assure you, just because a baby has come out of there doesn’t mean anything is broken. At the end of the day, you have your life and I have mine and I will meet you half way?
I can tell you as an Available Mum we have done a lot of growing in the process. We probably wont hit you with the baby card, most things don’t phase us.. We have literally seen it all, there will always be snacks in our bag, bliss balls, watermelon, coconut water.. I got you sorted oh and if I try to bring over food, I am not trying to move in I just cook a lot and I value my independence way more than that. You know sometimes you are ¾ of a way through a cheesecake when you live alone but make killer daycare lunches and realize you probably could share. They have structure and well, we are raising small people we know kindness just please don’t fuck us around.
Lexi x Song - "Anywhere" Rita Ora